Words Make A Difference

Now I know I may step on some toes but to be honest I really don't care. Wouldn't be me or the truth if it didn't bother someone.

We as parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc need to get a grip on the way we speak about and around our youth. How can we expect for them to speak and respect someone else if they don't hear it from us. I have seen so many parents call their kids lil nigga, bad ass, pimp, hard, ghetto, lil hoes and the list goes on. Now me being a parent I'm trying to phantom calling kids those types of names and thinking there is nothing wrong with it. I mean how can you even think that it's cute for one second. I mean don't you know that our kids are formed off the words we speak into their lives. So if all they hear are you calling them some type of thug name or any other name that is not positive then they are going to give you what you're calling them.

Words carry more weight then you would ever know. So how can you expect for you child to grow up and become a productive member in society if all they hear are the horrible names you call them. If they hear you "bragging" bout how bad they are then they are going to continue to be bad. If they hear you calling out the other names lil nigga, pimp, lil hoe then that is what you're going to get. And please don't get mad when they start calling you those names back because that is what you have taught them. We have to learn that you tend to get out what you put in, and if you put positive words and actions into your child then you will get positive back from that child. But if all you're putting into that child is negative words and actions then you can expect to get that back 100 times over. And please don't get mad when you get it back because you have noone but yourself to blame for the "monster" you cause to come forth. You spoke it therefore you got it and now you catching all hell dealing with it.

You won't think it's so cute when that child goes to school using those words and the teacher is looking at you like you crazy or calling DFACS to your home. Then you will feel as though they did you wrong, but once again the only person you can blame is you. Or how about when you out in public and trying to handle some important business and the child start using those words. I can imagine the look that would come across your face. Then the next thing you're going to say is "Who taught you that"? When you already know dang well it was you who did it but now you're embarrased and it's not so cute. Or how about when that girl of your grows up and becomes the lil hoe that you have called her to be. You see that is what you called her when she was younger and you thouoght it was cute. Now she in middle school actting out and you looking crazy once again all because you thought that lil nick name was something cute. Now you finding out it wasn't and will never be.

Words really do make a difference and you would find that out if you took the time to speak positive words around your child and not negative things that you think are cute at that moment. Trust me there will never be anything cute about calling your child a nigga or a bad ass. There will never be anything cute about calling you child a lil hoe or bitch. There will never be anything cute about not speaking life into your child.

The sooner you can learn that Words Make A Difference the sooner you can start mending some of the negative ideas and spirits you have spoken over your child. We want productive members of society not more statics.

Letting Go and Being Thankful

This had been on my mind for a while and after Sunday in church I really got confirmation that this is something I should write about.

In life you have to realize and understand not everyone who say they mean and wish you well really do. They will smile in your face and at the same time stab or have someone else stab you in the back while they standing in front of you talking to you. There are plenty of Judases out there in the world and in your life and I can promise you that you wouldn't even suspect half of them. Some of them can be as close as your own family members. You have to understand that your happiness and well being is not really in the best interest of most people. Yea they say it is but at the same time they are wishing they had what you have or they are secretly wishing you to fail and not succeed. The sooner you realize you can't share everything with everyone the better off you will be. Always remember that not everyone will share your happiness and you can't share your happiness with everyone. You have to learn how to live to please God and yourself and not allow others to dictate or jeopardize your happiness and well being. Stay away from negative people and negative thoughts because they carry more weight then you would ever know. At the same time you have to recognize negativity for negativity and not mistake facts for negativity. Pray about everything but at the same time bind up any negative thoughts that someone may have spoken in your presence and on your life. No one really knows what's best for you but God Himself. Realize that most people who speak negative things about your situations really want what you have or they are just unhappy people because their lives didn't turn out the way they wanted it to. Either way just know those are people who you really need to keep at arms length if you can't eliminate them from your life.

Now understand at the same time those haters and nay-sayers are used by the enemy to try and deter us from our destination but know this; God uses your enemies to catapult you into your destiny. They push us to work harder and achieve what we're trying to achieve without evening knowing they are doing it. Please believe if they knew what they were doing they wouldn't be doing it. They would figure out a way to really be on your side, but know they are on the side they're on because God wants and needs them there to get you to where He wants you to be.

You have to come to a point in your life when you know and realize that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Yes we have all heard the saying: "Some people come into your life for a lifetime and some for a season". You have to learn how to separate the lifetime people from the seasonal people. Once you can do that you can really start to find out who is for you and who is just along for the ride.  After you find that out then somethings will become a lot easier for  you to do, like cutting off those dead branches so you may continue to grow and prosper.

Never keep backstabbers around because they will only end up killing you and or your dreams. Never allow anyone or anything to stop you from reaching your destiny.


Machelle

Private Lives via Social Media

I was up early this morning and something hit me, Social Media.

I see so many post on FB and Twitter with people going back and forth with each other and I'm trying to figure out WHY!
You have to understand that Facebook is not a place to air your dirty laundry, FB is not a place for you to post about what's going on in your home between you and your mate, your momma/daddy, and or boss. FB is not a place for you to pick a fight with Shaquanda and them knowing good and well when you see them in person you're not going to say a word. It really disturbs me to see so many people doing this. If you are having a problem with your mate; be it husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend FB is not the people you need to be talking to. You need to go to that person and sit down with them because I can promise you after you post what you post it's not going to get any better. Now I'm not sure bout your friends list but I know mine don't have to many PhD's on it. If it's advice or answers you're seeking the best person to help you in that department is GOD. I can promise you He will never lead you wrong. Yea you will have plenty of people to give you their input but how many of them really have your best interest at hand. How many of them are really rooting for you to do good and see you succeed. I can promise you not very many. Yea the may say they are but those are just words they know you want to hear at that moment. You have to know that not everyone that wishes you well really mean it. Not everyone that smiles in your face are your friends.

I hear so many people say Facebook is the devil, it broke up my relationship. Well let me share this with you, we both know that is not true. Because before there was FB there was Myspace, emails, text messages and the oldest one pagers. We all knew what the 69 code meant when we saw it. Now the only person you have to blame for your relationship messing up is yourself. I mean did you not think before you posted how horrible your mate was. Did you somehow forget when you sent that message to the inbox that you were married or in a committed relationship. Did you not take into consideration how your mate would feel when you commented on that picture of you ex-jump off. I mean if you really sit back and look at things from the real world you would realize that only you are to blame for your break up or the problems in you home. No one else.

We have to wake up and grow up so that we may understand that somethings are better left in our head. Somethings are better left inside your home between the two of you because your business is not everybody's business. I can guarantee you that the same way you were attracted to the person you're with so is someone else that calls themselves your friend. So they sit back, wait and watch because they know before long the bad advice they have been giving you will soon pay off. Then you looking stupid because they hooked up

Now let me leave you with this: SOCIAL MEDIA SHOULD NOT BE YOUR DR.

Is It Really That Important

   All last week I had been doing some thinking and it finally hit me. SEX, why do so many people think this is the most important part of a relationship and why do they feel you can't have a relationship without it. SEX has become just like a hobby to some people and a marathon to others.

I been heard the news that Megan Good and her fiance would not have sex until after they are married. I really have to applaud them both for that because these days to much emphasis is put on sex. But for some reason the media is just now getting the information and I was blowed away by how many women felt that she must be crazy. Now I have heard all the crazy talk from men before, but to hear so many females talking like that well it really got me to thinking, that would explain why African American women are the highest statistics for  HIV and AIDS cases. Since when did SEX become such a hobby and not something done out of love. Now don't get me wrong I'm no prude and yes I've had sex  {heck I have kids}, but at the same time I have never been one for just having sex with someone simple because it seem like the thing to do. I guess as you get older and you have girls of your own you tend to see things a lot differently then you use to when you were younger. Then again I can't use age in this factor because I know women out there my age or older who still just view sex as sex. They feel that if men can do it so can women. Well let me say this THAT IS NOT TRUE. We are held to a much higher standard then men., is that fair no it's not but at the same time ladies think about this. If you have kids married or not and for whatever the reason the man is no longer around who are the kids going to look up to? Us that's who. When men are left trying to raise daughters and they have no clue of what's going on, who do they turn to? Once again us. Who did God see to put here to be a help meet for Adam? That's right Eve {a woman}.

I have never been one to think that it takes SEX to have a great and healthy relationship the key to that for me is communication. Everyone please understand this.....Relationships don't start with SEX they start by talking. If you can get and keep great communication between you and your mate there is nothing anyone can say or do to come between you two. No if your relationship is based on SEX then understand this ladies and fellows the next person may come along and offer better SEX. So when that happens where will that leave you? I will tell you where. Either stuck in a relationship being cheated on or being replaced with better SEX person.
See men you have to understand this about women. If you can get into her heart and mind you can have all that's good inside of her. But if you only want to get into her panties then you really  are asking for trouble because in case you didn't know or you forgot, Women are emotionally creatures. With that being said you could be opening up a whole bad can of worms if you're not careful of the women you just decided to "sleep with".
Now ladies you have to be careful also because you have those men out there who don't understand "One Night Stand". See you may just want to get back at "your man" because you found out he slept with "her". But not realizing that the dude you used is not hearing that and he want more. Now you have a stalker on your hands simply because you didn't want to keep your legs closed.

Now I say all that to say this. I'm not jumping on ladies here but the ultimate decision lies on us ladies, to give in or not to give in. We have to understand that a man will only due what we allow him to do and if we allow him to do us then they will do us.

So yes the realistic thing here would be for me to say NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE right. Well there are some who don't see it that way and for those of you who don't just do me this one favor.
The next time you're thinking about having SEX with someone realize that you're not just having SEX with them you're having SEX with everyone they have and are having it with. Try to picture yourself long term with this person and if you can't then maybe just maybe you need to move on and wait.

This is real talk: If they love, respect and really want to be with you then waiting should not be a problem. Yes it may be hard but I'm sure in the end you both will look at each other in a different light.

With Love

Machelle

Inside Pain

There are times that I often wonder, how did I get here, why am I here, Is there more that I should be doing, and if so what?

You see I know my life has a purpose but I have really just started questioning myself. You see I sit home day after day night after night and I feel as though life is passing me by. I feel as though I'm simply existing and not living. There are so many things that I want to do, so many things I have tried to do or even just thought about doing, but I feel like a failure at times because as I look back on all the things I've thought about they have just been that "thoughts". I've never really looked at myself as being a bad or horrible person, because I've always been loving and caring. But isn't if funny how some of your strong suits can also be your biggest faults. You know I say that because some of the things I'm going through could have been prevented had I not been trying to help out people I loved and I thought loved me back.

I sit here and I have some many ideas going through my head that I would love to share with someone but I have to understand that not everyone will share my dreams or even be happy for me when I tell them about my dreams and my desires. So because of me knowing that I have became a loner. Someone who goes to work and come home to her kids and never go anywhere else until it's time to go to work again the next day. You see I wonder when a person is there for everyone else when they have problems or are in need, who does that person turn to when they need someone to simply listen. What do you do when you have had to be strong since the age of 13 and everyone else has leaned on you for everything. What do you do when that person needs someone but no one is ever there. I mean they are there but they simply won't take the time to listen to you as you have them so many times before. What do you do? Where do you turn?

Everyone sees the smile plastered on my face but no one sees the pain that is etched on my heart. No one sees the scars that have been left behind by all the feet that have trampled over me. Family, friends, associtates, exes. No one sees the tears that I cry because I've taught myself to always smile through my pain. Always smile like I haven't a care in the world. Or maybe they do see but they choose to turn a blind eyes, you know see and don't see, because it's not them. It's not their heart that has been stitched together so many times it looks like a road map. It's not their feelings being hurt by the words they speak or the actions they perform. You see it's not them so why should they care. Simply because you care, well no it doesn't work like that. After so much mistreatment you would think that my heart would be harden by now but for some reason God won't allow that to happen. I continue to pray for those that used me, I continue to pray for those who have abandoned me when I needed them the most, I continue to pray for those who look down on me and said I would be never be anything. You see I learned years ago that even though words are powerful God word is the final say so, and His word overshadows what others have once said or even thought about me.

People will say well you shouldn't let others get you down or pay any attention to what they say, well as we all know easier said then done. Especially when some of those people saying those things are very close to you. But I have come to realize that I can't live my life for people, I can't live my life waiting on others to validate who I am because the thing is this; I will never be who they want me to be, but I will always be who God planned for me to be, and that is enough for me.

Loving Me First!

The Silent Killer

Although it may seem loud it's not
Although you may see the marks and bruises they say nothing
Although you may hear the bumps and thumps still nothing is said
And no one can ever tell you why; why they choose to be silent upon seeing and knowing what was going on in the next house or apartment.

Excuses are made:
"I should have had dinner ready when he got home"
"I know the bad things he do to me are my fault"
"He had a bad day, I should have left him alone"
"I should have kept the kids quiet while he watched T.V"
Lies are told
"He will never do it again"
"It only happened once"
The truth is hidden behind fairy tales
Fairy tales that are made up in the mind of the one who can't speak the words for the truth is to embarrassing to be told to anyone, even one's self.
To embarrassed to seek the help that is needed, knowing that your life could be saved.
To embarrassed to admit that there is a problem, because we like to stick our heads in the sand and pretend everything is OK.

So you take all the blame on yourself because in your eyes it's all your fault; he did nothing wrong
You rationalize every hit, every verbal abuse, every mental abuse
Not truly knowing the effect that it has on you and your kids for that matter.
Because whether you want to face the truth or not they know, they hear the yells and screams in the middle of the night. They hear you softly crying while you wipe your own blood from the floor and the walls.
They see all the scars and bruises you try to hide behind all the make-up you wear.
They notice the bald spot in your head where you hair has been pulled out at the roots.
They know but you still refuse to acknowledge that anything is wrong.
They know and they worry if they are next but you have no answer for them because you won't acknowledge that there is a problem.

You question yourself as a woman and you ask yourself: "What did I do to make him hate me so much?"
"Maybe if I had gave him better sex, or even sucked him off a little longer; maybe if I had stopped telling him No and started saying Yes it wouldn't have happened"
"Maybe if I had shut up and not talked back to him he wouldn't have hit me in my mouth"

Maybe, Maybe, Maybe is all you can think to say right now as you lay there not knowing if you're gonna make it or not, but praying that death overtakes you because you don't know how to leave but yet you don't wanna stay.

You're wondering now why didn't anyone see so they could have rescued you;
but everyone did see yet you chose to make up lie after lie because you were to embarrassed

ABUSE: The Silent Killer that so many women refuse to do anything about because they're to scared or embarrassed to seek the help they need.
Not fully understanding your worth you stay because you've been abused all your life and you feel this is love, but knowing in the back of your mind it's not.
Not fully understanding that love is not suppose to hurt but heal
Not fully understanding that love is not jealous it's caring
Not fully understanding that love is kind, and sweet with no strings attached

The Silent Killer: ABUSE

We have to come together and stop the cycle because as long as the abused feels they have no safe haven they will stay until it's to late.                                                                                                   They will continue to hide behind the make-up and masquerade mask
They will continue to make up lies and cover for the abuser
They will continue to not know their self worth as a person
They will continue all these things and more until they can't do anything else but lay there and die!!


Machelle Booker

Treat Them How You Want To Be Treated .......................
                                                                                                  

When getting into a relationship never just settle for the sake of being in a relationship. If you have set your standards then don't waiver on them and let them be known ahead of time so the other person will know if they can meet them or not. But also never set your standards so high that God Himself can't reach them.
Never settle for anything less then what you know you deserve. As a person female or male you should know your worth and never settle. But also know that you get out what you put in. All relationships take hard work and commitment be it between man and woman or employee and employer. You can't sit around all week not being productive and still at the end of the week expect to have a job.  That is just not logical. But you can expect to have a job if you have did what you were hired to do all week long. The same go for relationships. How can you expect someone to love, honor and cherish you if you're not willing to do the same to them or for them. Why should you expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself. Don't expect to be treated like a king or queen when you're treating them like a servant, that is just not going to work out in any situation. Understand that if you want respect it goes both ways, you have to give it in order to get it. No one wants to be in a relationship where the other person does not love or respect them.                             Bottom Line: Never settle for less then what you want and deserve, but at the same time be able to give it back in return.