Monday, May 28, 2012

Is It Really That Important

   All last week I had been doing some thinking and it finally hit me. SEX, why do so many people think this is the most important part of a relationship and why do they feel you can't have a relationship without it. SEX has become just like a hobby to some people and a marathon to others.

I been heard the news that Megan Good and her fiance would not have sex until after they are married. I really have to applaud them both for that because these days to much emphasis is put on sex. But for some reason the media is just now getting the information and I was blowed away by how many women felt that she must be crazy. Now I have heard all the crazy talk from men before, but to hear so many females talking like that well it really got me to thinking, that would explain why African American women are the highest statistics for  HIV and AIDS cases. Since when did SEX become such a hobby and not something done out of love. Now don't get me wrong I'm no prude and yes I've had sex  {heck I have kids}, but at the same time I have never been one for just having sex with someone simple because it seem like the thing to do. I guess as you get older and you have girls of your own you tend to see things a lot differently then you use to when you were younger. Then again I can't use age in this factor because I know women out there my age or older who still just view sex as sex. They feel that if men can do it so can women. Well let me say this THAT IS NOT TRUE. We are held to a much higher standard then men., is that fair no it's not but at the same time ladies think about this. If you have kids married or not and for whatever the reason the man is no longer around who are the kids going to look up to? Us that's who. When men are left trying to raise daughters and they have no clue of what's going on, who do they turn to? Once again us. Who did God see to put here to be a help meet for Adam? That's right Eve {a woman}.

I have never been one to think that it takes SEX to have a great and healthy relationship the key to that for me is communication. Everyone please understand this.....Relationships don't start with SEX they start by talking. If you can get and keep great communication between you and your mate there is nothing anyone can say or do to come between you two. No if your relationship is based on SEX then understand this ladies and fellows the next person may come along and offer better SEX. So when that happens where will that leave you? I will tell you where. Either stuck in a relationship being cheated on or being replaced with better SEX person.
See men you have to understand this about women. If you can get into her heart and mind you can have all that's good inside of her. But if you only want to get into her panties then you really  are asking for trouble because in case you didn't know or you forgot, Women are emotionally creatures. With that being said you could be opening up a whole bad can of worms if you're not careful of the women you just decided to "sleep with".
Now ladies you have to be careful also because you have those men out there who don't understand "One Night Stand". See you may just want to get back at "your man" because you found out he slept with "her". But not realizing that the dude you used is not hearing that and he want more. Now you have a stalker on your hands simply because you didn't want to keep your legs closed.

Now I say all that to say this. I'm not jumping on ladies here but the ultimate decision lies on us ladies, to give in or not to give in. We have to understand that a man will only due what we allow him to do and if we allow him to do us then they will do us.

So yes the realistic thing here would be for me to say NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE right. Well there are some who don't see it that way and for those of you who don't just do me this one favor.
The next time you're thinking about having SEX with someone realize that you're not just having SEX with them you're having SEX with everyone they have and are having it with. Try to picture yourself long term with this person and if you can't then maybe just maybe you need to move on and wait.

This is real talk: If they love, respect and really want to be with you then waiting should not be a problem. Yes it may be hard but I'm sure in the end you both will look at each other in a different light.

With Love

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Inside Pain

There are times that I often wonder, how did I get here, why am I here, Is there more that I should be doing, and if so what?

You see I know my life has a purpose but I have really just started questioning myself. You see I sit home day after day night after night and I feel as though life is passing me by. I feel as though I'm simply existing and not living. There are so many things that I want to do, so many things I have tried to do or even just thought about doing, but I feel like a failure at times because as I look back on all the things I've thought about they have just been that "thoughts". I've never really looked at myself as being a bad or horrible person, because I've always been loving and caring. But isn't if funny how some of your strong suits can also be your biggest faults. You know I say that because some of the things I'm going through could have been prevented had I not been trying to help out people I loved and I thought loved me back.

I sit here and I have some many ideas going through my head that I would love to share with someone but I have to understand that not everyone will share my dreams or even be happy for me when I tell them about my dreams and my desires. So because of me knowing that I have became a loner. Someone who goes to work and come home to her kids and never go anywhere else until it's time to go to work again the next day. You see I wonder when a person is there for everyone else when they have problems or are in need, who does that person turn to when they need someone to simply listen. What do you do when you have had to be strong since the age of 13 and everyone else has leaned on you for everything. What do you do when that person needs someone but no one is ever there. I mean they are there but they simply won't take the time to listen to you as you have them so many times before. What do you do? Where do you turn?

Everyone sees the smile plastered on my face but no one sees the pain that is etched on my heart. No one sees the scars that have been left behind by all the feet that have trampled over me. Family, friends, associtates, exes. No one sees the tears that I cry because I've taught myself to always smile through my pain. Always smile like I haven't a care in the world. Or maybe they do see but they choose to turn a blind eyes, you know see and don't see, because it's not them. It's not their heart that has been stitched together so many times it looks like a road map. It's not their feelings being hurt by the words they speak or the actions they perform. You see it's not them so why should they care. Simply because you care, well no it doesn't work like that. After so much mistreatment you would think that my heart would be harden by now but for some reason God won't allow that to happen. I continue to pray for those that used me, I continue to pray for those who have abandoned me when I needed them the most, I continue to pray for those who look down on me and said I would be never be anything. You see I learned years ago that even though words are powerful God word is the final say so, and His word overshadows what others have once said or even thought about me.

People will say well you shouldn't let others get you down or pay any attention to what they say, well as we all know easier said then done. Especially when some of those people saying those things are very close to you. But I have come to realize that I can't live my life for people, I can't live my life waiting on others to validate who I am because the thing is this; I will never be who they want me to be, but I will always be who God planned for me to be, and that is enough for me.

Loving Me First!

Thursday, May 24, 2012

The Silent Killer

Although it may seem loud it's not
Although you may see the marks and bruises they say nothing
Although you may hear the bumps and thumps still nothing is said
And no one can ever tell you why; why they choose to be silent upon seeing and knowing what was going on in the next house or apartment.

Excuses are made:
"I should have had dinner ready when he got home"
"I know the bad things he do to me are my fault"
"He had a bad day, I should have left him alone"
"I should have kept the kids quiet while he watched T.V"
Lies are told
"He will never do it again"
"It only happened once"
The truth is hidden behind fairy tales
Fairy tales that are made up in the mind of the one who can't speak the words for the truth is to embarrassing to be told to anyone, even one's self.
To embarrassed to seek the help that is needed, knowing that your life could be saved.
To embarrassed to admit that there is a problem, because we like to stick our heads in the sand and pretend everything is OK.

So you take all the blame on yourself because in your eyes it's all your fault; he did nothing wrong
You rationalize every hit, every verbal abuse, every mental abuse
Not truly knowing the effect that it has on you and your kids for that matter.
Because whether you want to face the truth or not they know, they hear the yells and screams in the middle of the night. They hear you softly crying while you wipe your own blood from the floor and the walls.
They see all the scars and bruises you try to hide behind all the make-up you wear.
They notice the bald spot in your head where you hair has been pulled out at the roots.
They know but you still refuse to acknowledge that anything is wrong.
They know and they worry if they are next but you have no answer for them because you won't acknowledge that there is a problem.

You question yourself as a woman and you ask yourself: "What did I do to make him hate me so much?"
"Maybe if I had gave him better sex, or even sucked him off a little longer; maybe if I had stopped telling him No and started saying Yes it wouldn't have happened"
"Maybe if I had shut up and not talked back to him he wouldn't have hit me in my mouth"

Maybe, Maybe, Maybe is all you can think to say right now as you lay there not knowing if you're gonna make it or not, but praying that death overtakes you because you don't know how to leave but yet you don't wanna stay.

You're wondering now why didn't anyone see so they could have rescued you;
but everyone did see yet you chose to make up lie after lie because you were to embarrassed

ABUSE: The Silent Killer that so many women refuse to do anything about because they're to scared or embarrassed to seek the help they need.
Not fully understanding your worth you stay because you've been abused all your life and you feel this is love, but knowing in the back of your mind it's not.
Not fully understanding that love is not suppose to hurt but heal
Not fully understanding that love is not jealous it's caring
Not fully understanding that love is kind, and sweet with no strings attached

The Silent Killer: ABUSE

We have to come together and stop the cycle because as long as the abused feels they have no safe haven they will stay until it's to late.                                                                                                   They will continue to hide behind the make-up and masquerade mask
They will continue to make up lies and cover for the abuser
They will continue to not know their self worth as a person
They will continue all these things and more until they can't do anything else but lay there and die!!

Machelle Booker

Treat Them How You Want To Be Treated .......................

When getting into a relationship never just settle for the sake of being in a relationship. If you have set your standards then don't waiver on them and let them be known ahead of time so the other person will know if they can meet them or not. But also never set your standards so high that God Himself can't reach them.
Never settle for anything less then what you know you deserve. As a person female or male you should know your worth and never settle. But also know that you get out what you put in. All relationships take hard work and commitment be it between man and woman or employee and employer. You can't sit around all week not being productive and still at the end of the week expect to have a job.  That is just not logical. But you can expect to have a job if you have did what you were hired to do all week long. The same go for relationships. How can you expect someone to love, honor and cherish you if you're not willing to do the same to them or for them. Why should you expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself. Don't expect to be treated like a king or queen when you're treating them like a servant, that is just not going to work out in any situation. Understand that if you want respect it goes both ways, you have to give it in order to get it. No one wants to be in a relationship where the other person does not love or respect them.                             Bottom Line: Never settle for less then what you want and deserve, but at the same time be able to give it back in return.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


Now if you're a prude or judgemental please don't read...keep it moving...& don't leave any dumb comments they will be deleted...................................................................

Now I'm going to ask a few questions that I'm sure a few ladies would like the answer to but are too scared to ask themselves.

1. Why is it that when you tell a guy you're busy or stressed out they say " You just need some."

2. Why is it that when a guy say he want to see or be with you he "Just want some".

3. Why is it that when you say you're not feeling well they say: "Oh, I can fix that you're just backed up
that's all"  Do I look like a freaking pipe to you, cause you sho' don't look like no plumber to me!!

4. Why is it that when you say I'm not having sex they hit you with these famous lines......"Can you just jack it for me",  "Well just let me taste it",  "Just suck it for me", "Let me just put the head in", & the newest and best one I was just told about "Let me do it from the back it won't hurt." 
Are you freaking kidding me right now,  how bout you turn around and let me do you from the back and see if it hurts.                                                                                                                                          From tasting to sucking it's sex. You want to know why? Because it's called ORAL SEX you dummy.

My whole point is this; why is everything so centered around sex?
Some would say you can't have a relationship without it; well that's a lie I have a relationship with God and He don't expect sex. Why are you expected to give up your goods for a few minutes of fun and live with days of guilt. Sex does not make the world go round and it's not a problem solver....Be Blessed
       "SIMPLY I"

                                                                                                                                                                       I can't give you the reaction you expect, because I'm not who you think I am:

I smile because of the pain I'm feeling
I cry because of the joy I have
I laugh because of the hurt people have caused me
I scream because I'm overjoyed
I'm silent because of the peace inside of me

I've been broken; but yet I remain whole
I've been scarred; but yet I have no marks
My heart is frozen; but yet I'm able to still give love
I've cried; but yet no tears left my eyes
I've screamed from the pain; but yet no sound came

No sound came from my mouth because I've been taught my God knows and hears my cries even when I can't say a word!!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Right Place Right Time

Today while working I was called every name this kid could think of.
As I was out taking my pictures of a home, I heard this young man telling this little girl "If you want too hang with me you better go in this house with me and make it do what it do". Every time she tried to walk away from him he would grab her by the arm.
Now me being a mother of three girls 11, 14, and 16 that really struck a nerve with me. I then went closer to them and asked the young girl to come here for a minute. Upon speaking with her I found out she was only 12 years old and had never had sex. She informed me that the young boy {who I found out was 14} always tried to get her to go into his house with him because his mother was never home. I spoke with the young lady for a few minutes then I asked her which house she lived in. When she pointed it out to me I proceeded to go to her house with her and speak with her mother. Now I can't lie I was nervous because you know some parents don't want you saying anything bout their kids, but I was blessed to find out this mother was not like that at all. She took time to listen to what I had to say. I informed her of what the little boy was saying and told her that every time her daughter tried to walk away he would grab her by the arm and pull her back. Needless to say the mother was pissed at the lil boy but she was glad I had came to her because who knows what he would have did. She said if more parents were like me then things might be different. I told her I feel where she is coming from because you got to many parents wanting to be their kids friend instead of their parent.

When I was returning to my car the lil boy began calling me all kind of foul names he could think of. I kindly ignored him until he started walking toward me then I had to go all ghetto momma on him since I figured that would be the only thing he understood. After I got finish telling him what I would and could do to him he was like "Ah man F.... you, you ain't sh-- anyway, I'm out of here".

I really believe his feelings were hurt more then anything, because it happened in front of his "friends".

Now to be honest with you where this happened at I was not suppose to go there until the following day but for some reason I decided to go ahead and got a day early. I really believe God places us in certain places at certain times for a reason. If I had not listen and went over there who knows what he would have did to her.
Parents we have to stop, look, and listen. We have to stop worrying bout ourselves, look at what is going on with our kids, and listen to other adults when they come to you with a legitimate concern.